Why the Semicolon is Sexy

I realize that for some people, punctation is just a fact of reading and writing, a necessary way to break up thoughts and words. But ooh how they miss the point(s and swooshes). Punctuation is the intent of the writer, it takes the words and turns them into a voice. Punctuation is “punchy” and manipulative and oh, so sexy.

Yes, sexy. Punctuation is sexy. And of all the punctuation marks in the entirety of the German and Roman languages of the world, all the dots and swooshy commas and explanatory m-dashes and elusive ellipses… The semicolon is by far the sexiest bit of punctuation the world has ever known. If I could make love to a piece of punctuation, you can bet it’d be that seductive little sucker.

With its dot and its swoosh, it vaguely resembles an eager little spermy tadpole scurrying to create life. It’s not just sexy; it’s straight-up procreation. Creation of life. Or voice. Or whatever. It’s Freudian, and thus dripping in sexual everything.

Lingerie is sexy because it hints at what lies beneath. Semicolons are sexy because they hint at what is to come (See? Another Freudian slip).

The semicolon finishes a thought, but still keeps the reader sitting at the edge of their seat, drooling with anticipation over what could possibly come next. It grabs the reader by their tie and pulls them in close, brushes their lips, and then loosens its grip ever so slightly, never sacrificing its power.

It’s a gentle tease, that saucy little minx. 

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