2011 Bucket List

Remember that first post in July? This may look familiar…

Jumping right in, I’m not a believer in New Year’s resolutions. I just think they tend to revolve too much around losing weight and looking better and petty bullpucky that sparks a temporary spike in gym and diet industry revenues and doesn’t budge the scale a notch. Plus, I’m don’t have enough will power to diet, so I take a different approach to the New Year.

If you haven’t noticed already, I’m kind of a freak about lists. I read once that writing lists is the best way to naturally combat ADHD… maybe I’m undiagnosed? whatever. Anyway, I write lists all the time because it makes the brain clutter (which sounds something like “BZZZZZZZZIHAVETODOALLTHISCRAPANDICAN’TSORTTHROUGHMYTHOUGHTSENOUGHTOCOHESIVELYFIGUREOUTEXACTLYWHATI

NEEDTODOBZZZZZZZZZ”) and it makes it all pretty too. When I write lists, I’m more proactive. Case in point? Lists=shit gets done.

Anywayyyy, for this year’s bucket list, I compiled 80 things I wanted to do and am already working on many. Given my new address, there’s much to explore. I’m determined to fall in love with this city, even if I have to trip myself to get to that point. Bygones.

2011 BUCKET LIST

  1. Move to New York.
  2. Do something crazy.
  3. Visit the South.
  4. Dance on a table.
  5. Host a dinner party.
  6. Write a letter to a political figure.
  7. Raise $500 for a charity.
  8. Sing karaoke.
  9. Send poetry in to get published.
  10. Find the best coffee house in the city.
  11. See a show.
  12. Try speed dating.
  13. Learn to photograph.
  14. Buy myself a Michael Kors watch.
  15. Spend a weekend in D.C.
  16. Take a roadtrip.
  17. Find an excuse to wear a tiara.
  18. Read 5 books on my list.
  19. Design an outfit.
  20. Make business cards.
  21. Volunteer a week in Costa Rica.
  22. See Austin.
  23. Have a shower beer.
  24. Perfect my dougie.
  25. Have frozen hot chocolate at Serendipity III.
  26. Go to a concert.
  27. Skinny dip.
  28. Spend a Sunday volunteering with The Breakfast Club.
  29. Picnic in Central Park.
  30. Toast our Sep. apartment with champagne.
  31. Skateboard to class.
  32. Get a Boston Athenaeum membership.
  33. Go to a BRUINS game.
  34. Go to the top of the Empire State Building.
  35. Slow dance.
  36. Visit every Manhattan bridge.
  37. Learn something new.
  38. Have lunch on the Staten Island Ferry.
  39. Wear fake eyelashes.
  40. Waitress.
  41. Have three differently themed dinner parties.
  42. Buy myself some letters.
  43. Visit Canada.
  44. Get better at French.
  45. Send Amanda a care package.
  46. Take a dance class.
  47. Spend a day on the beach.
  48. Watch all the epic movies that I never did.
  49. Plant an herb garden.
  50. Write my number on a bathroom stall.
  51. Help make Thanksgiving dinner.
  52. Send in a Postsecret.
  53. Write a note and leave it in a book.
  54. Learn to master a stick shift.
  55. Do a cartwheel.
  56. Kiss someone under the mistletoe.
  57. Pay for the person behind me in a drive thru.
  58. Sneak someone into the Webster.
  59. Get a massage.
  60. Bartend.
  61. Create a poster memorializing random quotes.
  62. Take a CPR course.
  63. Take a ride in a town car.
  64. Make something for the apartment.
  65. Start a journal (again).
  66. Create a drink.
  67. Give someone a piggy back ride.
  68. Shake hands with the Editor in Chief.
  69. Take myself on a date.
  70. Talk someone into going to school.
  71. Buy myself a dress without a reason to wear it.
  72. Find a place to wear said dress.
  73. Dress like Jackie O.
  74. Play an intramural sport.
  75. Try a new Ben N Jerrys flavor.
  76. Blog once per week.
  77. Get to know someone in every Greek organization.
  78. Force a guy to come over and put up shelves (ha).
  79. Start a tradition.
  80. Read every night M-Th.

Here’s to an awesome year!! Happy New Year!

She’s alliiiveeeee!!!

Back from hiatus (aka the most grueling semester of my life) and hoping to keep this baby a little more updated than it has been, I’m going to post a plethora of poetry, lists, updates, etc. And then I plan to hop back into my typical brain barf style and can go into extreme analytical depth about insignificant nothings. Questions, comments, general thoughts, ideas, etc. are always welcome.

Feel free to email me any time at mdaniells21@gmail.com.

Brain barfing-ly yours (yum),

Marian

Random Thought to Ponder: Brain Backlog

Sometimes, when it’s been a while since I last wrote, I get physically agitated. I’m anxious and cloudy and feeling like I’m dangling outside of the physical realm. I realize how, well, ridiculous that sounds, but it’s almost as though there’s so much that needs to come out. And all of this brain barf backlog is fighting to be the first at attention.

You know how with cans, the contents can’t come out because there’s a natural vacuum? And the only way for it to move is if the poor can gets another hole popped in it to break the vacuum? I’m the can… so much is trying to get out of my head and the only way for that to happen is with some fresh air.

And, yes, I realize that probably makes very little sense, but basically I’m saying that I realize I need to write about SOMETHING, but have no clue where to start. Maybe it’s more that I just need to talk to someone. I used to joke that the reason I loved to write was because it was like talking to a therapist. The shrink doesn’t even necessarily have to say anything, but just spilling our heart’s complexities is therapeutic.

So I’m spilling. And I should also preface by saying that this is by no means a professional post. There is no research involved (unless you count living as research) and there will likely be no conclusive thesis. But look at the title of this blog. Brain Barf. That’s what it’s called and that’s what I’m giving. And if you have a recommendation for a therapist in San Diego or Boston, feel free to pass their information along.

So, as is evidenced by the past um several posts, I have plenty of romantic issues in my life. And it’s frustrating. I am confident in my school, I am confident in my writing, I’m confident in myself too… 95% of the time. I’m even comfortable meeting guys (maybe too comfortable). But put me in any sort of relationship with them and I screw it up. Why am I so innately hardwired to want to have a successful relationship? Why do I measure so much of my self worth based on my relationship status?

I think what I find particularly challenging is that I’m not a bad catch (and I say that with all necessary modesty). I get good grades, I know what I want in life, I’m sarcastic and even occasionally funny. I have straight teeth and am skinny. I’m competitive and smart and know not to wear double denim. And I happen to get along great with the parents.

So is it me? I realize I have some major honesty issues (as in, I tend to dole out a lot) and I over-think and over-analyze every look and twitch and unanswered call. Yes, I’m not perfect. But let’s evaluate some other suspects, as well.

Is it the age? Is college to blame? The oversexed media culture that is turning Gen-HarryPotter into testosterone-crazed sexpots (or visa versa)? Is it what I spontaneously deem College Player Syndrome, where guys like to “play the field” up until about their junior years when they realize that maybe girls don’t still have cooties, but sleeping around DOES spread cooties/STDs?

Is it because I’m actually looking? Truth be told, some of the best guys in my life were able to access me because I payed them no real heed until I suddenly turned around and thought Hey look, this guy’s kinda… awesome.

Is it because I settle? Or because people settle for me (ouch)?

I was watching some (more) Ally McBeal today… as in 5 episodes. Bygones. But Ally was sitting with this one character and had this character do an exercise. She said to think of the perfect wedding. Think of the guy and the first dance and the ring and the cake and the gorgeous low back dress and the color lipstick and the perfume and… you get the point.

And then focus again on the groom, on that perfect morsel of a dream man. Imagine his every feature, his every charm, his every trait. His smells, his eyes, his jokes, his quirks, his hands, his hair, his job, his house, his parents, his dog,his friends, his ex-girlfriends, his conservative grandmother, his dirty clothes, his leaving the toilet seat up, his spraying the mirror with toothpaste, his lack of interest in having a family, his dancing with two left feet, his sand paper facial hair, his geronomo afternoon shits, his stealing the sports section, his using my towel, his 100 degree heat when he sleeps, his tendency to not look me in the eye, his arrogance… And imagine living with that every day for the rest of your life.

Somewhere along that list, I realized what Ally was trying to show, that even the man of my dreams isn’t what I want. If my imagination can’t even grant me that small happiness, how can a person?

Gosh, that sounds so depressing and downtrodden. Mostly because that’s kind of how I feel lately. But I’m tired of singing Goodnight, My Someone to some mythical person. Ever since the first grade and my first boyfriend, John Paul, my life has orbited around boys/guys/men. It’s been way too long; I’m tired of passively waiting. And I’m almost tired of actively pursuing…

I just wish someone were fighting to find me as hard as I am to finally, FINALLY find them. Hurry up, babe.

Rabbit Rabbit

Soooo every New Years, instead of make some lame resolution that I’ll forget before Presidents’ Day, I write down (or type out) a Bucket List of various things I hope to achieve that year. Some I’ve never done and some I just want to do more. All need to be reasonably attainable and there’s a little lee-way (sp?) to add or eliminate some throughout the course of the year. Anyway, since today marks the halfway point for the year, I thought putting my list here and updating what I still need to do would make for a quick and easy first post.

  1. Get my license. [FINALLY got permit in June]
  2. Go to Europe.
  3. Kiss (another) European.
  4. Go surfing.
  5. Learn to juggle (better).
  6. Work out 4x a week.
  7. Make something and wear it.
  8. Play tennis.
  9. Buy a pair of leather boots.
  10. Go to the Boston MFA.
  11. Get butterflies.
  12. Tour MIT and Harvard.
  13. Go to New York (again).
  14. Go to the top of the Empire State Building.
  15. Start a blog.
  16. Go to a show in Boston.
  17. Go to a BRUINS game J
  18. See a game at Fenway Park.
  19. Be a tourist and take a Duck Tour.
  20. Have dessert at the Top of the Hub.
  21. Visit Lauren at school.
  22. Write another song.
  23. Learn to play (some) piano.
  24. Go to a zoo.
  25. Go to Providence and see WaterFire again. [WaterFire was discontinued]
  26. Go to the Gay Pride Festival in Hillcrest.
  27. Go skiing.
  28. Tango on the Cambridge bridge on the full moon.
  29. Run a 5K.
  30. Wear fake eyelashes.
  31. Temporarily dye my hair. [I did something else that was drastic.]
  32. Wear high heels to class.
  33. Hike with Alli. [no longer specific to just Alli]
  34. Go to an 18+ club (finally).
  35. Eat gelato. [YUMMM]
  36. Order a meal in a foreign language without knowing what in the world the waiter is bringing.
  37. Cook a meal for friends.
  38. Give a flower to a stranger.
  39. Go biking. [through the Holland countryside :)]
  40. Buy red shoes (preferably heels).
  41. Ride a motorcycle. [for 3 days through Tuscany]
  42. Go on a roller coaster.
  43. Wake up early for a Boston Harbor sunrise. [well worth it, though I suggest just not going to bed]
  44. Donate blood. [tried]
  45. Build a snowman.
  46. Slow dance.
  47. Find my passion.
  48. Get my palm read.
  49. Skinny dip. [changed to “… in the ocean”]
  50. Go sledding.
  51. Eat escargot.
  52. See an outdoor movie.
  53. Go to bed before 8pm.
  54. Send random postcards to all my friends.
  55. Be a kid for a day.
  56. Be spontaneous.
  57. Spend a Saturday doing volunteer work.
  58. Send a message in a bottle.
  59. Write a poem or note and leave it in a library book.
  60. Waitress.
  61. Go to a concert.
  62. Have a picnic.
  63. Meditate.
  64. Go to a state I haven’t been to.
  65. Break a law (or two).
  66. Paint a canvas.
  67. Sing a solo in public.
  68. Go to Disneyland.
  69. Grow out my hair.
  70. Smile “in my liver.”
  71. Convince my mom to write a book.
  72. Walk barefoot in snow.
  73. Swim in the Atlantic.
  74. Introduce someone to Mike’s Pastry.
  75. Join a club.
  76. Stand up for something I believe in.
  77. Compliment a stranger.
  78. Go Christmas caroling.

Looking pretty good for only half way through the year, eh? Let me know if you want to help me with one of the remaining options OR if you have ideas for next years 🙂